Radical innovation rarely comes from incumbents (Laurent Haug). No candle maker has become a bulb manufacturer, no carriage maker has become a car producer and the post office did not invent the email (Marc Giget).
Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels? While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. (Rob Siltanen).
You must constantly ask yourself these questions: Who am I around? What are they doing to me? What have they got me reading? What have they got me saying? Where do they have me going? What do they have me thinking? And most important, what do they have me becoming? Then ask yourself the big question: Is that OK? Your life does not get better by chance; it gets better by change (Jim Rohn).
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man (George Bernard Shaw).
Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream (Malcolm Muggeridge).
Monday, August 27, 2018
Till then
Friend: Osasu, why don't you write anymore?
Me: I do.
Friend: Why don't I see it anymore?
Me: I stopped sharing it on Twitter or LinkedIn.
Friend: So where can I read it?
Me: www.zazparelli.blogspot.com
Friend: Please keep it simple. Share on Twitter or LinkedIn.
Me: Why?
Friend: Cos I can't remember the blog name always.
Me: Aha.
Friend: Aha, what?
Me: That is the reason I am working on a new blog, with a memorable name. But while I am working on it, I do not want to be limited in what I write.
Friend: Since when did sharing on LinkedIn limit you?
Me: Since I started explaining why my not sharing on LinkedIn doesn't matter.
Friend: So when will I see the new blog.
Me: When it is almost ready.
Friend: Till then?
Me: Till then.
- Osasu Oviawe
Sunday, August 26, 2018
Battle Lines
Blimey, mega intense afternoon/evening trying to sort out 'LS' and her daughter. I thought I grew up in a shouty house, holy shit, mine was a picnic in the park compared to what we had this afternoon. Very emotional, very fraught, very last chance saloon... I don't know if we got anywhere, that remains to be seen but her and the boyfriend are moving out anyway, it can't go on any longer, I fear for 'LS's mental health if this continues, she's going to crack. So, I did my best to referee, and boy it was hard work but I had to do something to resolve the issues, I felt I had to, gut instinct again, I'm learning to trust it more and more as I wander through life.
I remember the life I had 6 weeks ago, when all I was worried about was what graphics card was going in the new computer I was building... it seems like another reality ago that is a distant memory these days, now I have a serious responsibility to care for my mother when before I had only myself to keep in check, I just hope I have the strength reserves to carry the both of us forward. Somehow I found an incredible strength to get through my father's funeral and shock the hell out of everyone who wrote me off with my well written and heartfelt eulogy, where the hell did that come from? I have no freakin' idea!!! I surprised myself too, how I did it I don't know. Whether the grief will sneak up and hit me hard later on, I don't know, but right now it's there but it's not overwhelming, I know I will survive this because I've fought all my life to survive, the main cause of my self loathing has now gone, I'll never be called stupid by my dad again, there's a tremendous amount of relief that comes with that.... and enormous guilt because despite it all I loved him sooooo much.
Is this it, what I'm feeling? I feel ok, I can still laugh and joke with my mates, is that it, can it really be this easy to lose your father? I feel like I should be crying more and feeling sadder, it seems like I'm numb, is it these antidepressants I'm on making me so emotionless? So many damn questions going around in my head. Jesus, what a total f*ck up, back on the phones tomorrow to sort shit out to do with the mess dad left us in, many calls to make so I guess I should go to bed but my head still spins away merrily.... ugh. I want a time machine right now, pop back to a more carefree time, not gonna happen though eh?
I remember the life I had 6 weeks ago, when all I was worried about was what graphics card was going in the new computer I was building... it seems like another reality ago that is a distant memory these days, now I have a serious responsibility to care for my mother when before I had only myself to keep in check, I just hope I have the strength reserves to carry the both of us forward. Somehow I found an incredible strength to get through my father's funeral and shock the hell out of everyone who wrote me off with my well written and heartfelt eulogy, where the hell did that come from? I have no freakin' idea!!! I surprised myself too, how I did it I don't know. Whether the grief will sneak up and hit me hard later on, I don't know, but right now it's there but it's not overwhelming, I know I will survive this because I've fought all my life to survive, the main cause of my self loathing has now gone, I'll never be called stupid by my dad again, there's a tremendous amount of relief that comes with that.... and enormous guilt because despite it all I loved him sooooo much.
Is this it, what I'm feeling? I feel ok, I can still laugh and joke with my mates, is that it, can it really be this easy to lose your father? I feel like I should be crying more and feeling sadder, it seems like I'm numb, is it these antidepressants I'm on making me so emotionless? So many damn questions going around in my head. Jesus, what a total f*ck up, back on the phones tomorrow to sort shit out to do with the mess dad left us in, many calls to make so I guess I should go to bed but my head still spins away merrily.... ugh. I want a time machine right now, pop back to a more carefree time, not gonna happen though eh?
Saturday, August 25, 2018
Down Time
A day of rest! Done naff all of any note so this will be a thrilling entry won't it? Spent most of the day popping painkillers and talking to 'LS' about life, the universe and pictures of men she's been sent over Plenty Of Fish (dregs of humanity dating website, for the uninformed)
Still have no clue whether to sell dad's gun or have it doctored so it's an ornament, not that I am in the least money motivated but I guess I need to know what it's worth, and have the other two looked at as potential candidates for being melted down into ashtrays, I don't give a hoot about either of those, sorry dad. If I could sell that gun case he has to pay for the main one to be deactivated and still pay money towards the probate I'd be laughing, but my experience of life tells me I could never hope to be that lucky. We'll see next Saturday I guess, I think I may go with the guy taking them just to hear it with my own ears from the gun dealer, I never trust anyone where money is concerned, another lesson life has taught me. Cynical aren't I? Have we met?
So yeah, not much doing.... enjoying a bit of late night peace to decompress and think, but not too much, my brain can't handle the events of the last month in too large a slice. 25th today, a month exactly since dad died, have no idea where that time has gone, flashed by in a whirl, most of it with my ear glued to the phone it seems, and more calls next week, sigh.... I'll get through it slowly, letting myself rest a bit without losing the momentum I need to roll over this hump and carry on. I'd lose the plot if I didn't let myself breathe a bit, bad enough that I reckon I'll be grey by the time we're done here!
Off out visiting to chair peace talks tomorrow between 'LS' and her daughter, hopefully that'll make an impact on the WW3 they seems to have there on a daily basis, fingers crossed. Plus it'll get me out and stop me overthinking, a dreadful habit of mine I must stop... like biting the skin on my fingers, which I have taken up again this past few weeks, and I was doing so well with it too, ooopsy.
Still have no clue whether to sell dad's gun or have it doctored so it's an ornament, not that I am in the least money motivated but I guess I need to know what it's worth, and have the other two looked at as potential candidates for being melted down into ashtrays, I don't give a hoot about either of those, sorry dad. If I could sell that gun case he has to pay for the main one to be deactivated and still pay money towards the probate I'd be laughing, but my experience of life tells me I could never hope to be that lucky. We'll see next Saturday I guess, I think I may go with the guy taking them just to hear it with my own ears from the gun dealer, I never trust anyone where money is concerned, another lesson life has taught me. Cynical aren't I? Have we met?
So yeah, not much doing.... enjoying a bit of late night peace to decompress and think, but not too much, my brain can't handle the events of the last month in too large a slice. 25th today, a month exactly since dad died, have no idea where that time has gone, flashed by in a whirl, most of it with my ear glued to the phone it seems, and more calls next week, sigh.... I'll get through it slowly, letting myself rest a bit without losing the momentum I need to roll over this hump and carry on. I'd lose the plot if I didn't let myself breathe a bit, bad enough that I reckon I'll be grey by the time we're done here!
Off out visiting to chair peace talks tomorrow between 'LS' and her daughter, hopefully that'll make an impact on the WW3 they seems to have there on a daily basis, fingers crossed. Plus it'll get me out and stop me overthinking, a dreadful habit of mine I must stop... like biting the skin on my fingers, which I have taken up again this past few weeks, and I was doing so well with it too, ooopsy.
Friday, August 24, 2018
Money Or Memories
I'm in a quandary, sort of, well.... I know what I want but it may not be feasible. I want to keep my dad's Aya shotgun, for sentimental reasons, not sell it like my mother is suggesting for monetary gain. I just did a quick Google and saw one for sale for £19,000, is that a price worth selling my good memories for? Mum wants me to sell them. The fond times I had with my dad when he let me come shooting with him and I sat in the hide quiet as a mouse with Sally our dog, excited so much my dad - my hero, my superman - had let me come along. I want the gun but I have a money problem, I don't have much, and I've just found out that probate could cost me £600 to give my own mother her own house.... I'm confused and upset by it.
If only my dad had left a will, why didn't he? Was this his final act of 'f*ck you' to my mother and myself? Was he really that intent on destroying us both? I stood up in church and told happy stories of what my dad meant to me, which was everything, but they were all before the age of 15 when he suddenly turned on me and the years of torment began. No, it wasn't just him that shot me down, but he was the main perpetrator, I was suicidal at 17, such a young age to be so tormented, he made me think that part of me was so repulsive that I spent years soul searching trying to find it and get rid of it. I asked a few weeks back when my penance would end and then it did, on 25th July, I guess I got the answer to my question eh?
I just love the fact I made all their mouths fall open as I eloquently read my witty and well prepared speech at the funeral, the stupid one came good, in a big way. They all wrote me off and I surprised them all, I feel pretty good about that and I think I should, pride is a pretty unfamiliar emotion to me, it would have meant so much to me to hear my dad say the words "I'm proud of you", nothing would have made me happier in the world in fact, nothing.
I'm a bit worried about these antidepressants and what they're doing to me, I've almost turned into an emotionless robot, it worries me, life has pain and we all have to feel it to be real, I don't want to be numb to everything, scary. I didn't once cry or even think of crying at my own father's funeral, that's wrong isn't it? That I looked at the coffin and it meant nothing to me, he went 4 weeks ago as far as I'm concerned, not Tuesday in that crappy little wooden box, which he probably creosoted as he did everything else.
Otherwise busy still, having a house meeting with 'LS' and her daughter Sunday, try and sort some stuff out. Got a working toilet again - yay! About bloody time I say, it's only been 4 weeks. Been up since 6.45am, need some sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, big time.
If only my dad had left a will, why didn't he? Was this his final act of 'f*ck you' to my mother and myself? Was he really that intent on destroying us both? I stood up in church and told happy stories of what my dad meant to me, which was everything, but they were all before the age of 15 when he suddenly turned on me and the years of torment began. No, it wasn't just him that shot me down, but he was the main perpetrator, I was suicidal at 17, such a young age to be so tormented, he made me think that part of me was so repulsive that I spent years soul searching trying to find it and get rid of it. I asked a few weeks back when my penance would end and then it did, on 25th July, I guess I got the answer to my question eh?
I just love the fact I made all their mouths fall open as I eloquently read my witty and well prepared speech at the funeral, the stupid one came good, in a big way. They all wrote me off and I surprised them all, I feel pretty good about that and I think I should, pride is a pretty unfamiliar emotion to me, it would have meant so much to me to hear my dad say the words "I'm proud of you", nothing would have made me happier in the world in fact, nothing.
I'm a bit worried about these antidepressants and what they're doing to me, I've almost turned into an emotionless robot, it worries me, life has pain and we all have to feel it to be real, I don't want to be numb to everything, scary. I didn't once cry or even think of crying at my own father's funeral, that's wrong isn't it? That I looked at the coffin and it meant nothing to me, he went 4 weeks ago as far as I'm concerned, not Tuesday in that crappy little wooden box, which he probably creosoted as he did everything else.
Otherwise busy still, having a house meeting with 'LS' and her daughter Sunday, try and sort some stuff out. Got a working toilet again - yay! About bloody time I say, it's only been 4 weeks. Been up since 6.45am, need some sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, big time.
Thursday, August 23, 2018
The Phoenix
Well, apparently the word on the street is my little funeral speech hit the spot with a lot of people, which is nice and I seem to have achieved what I set out to do.... dispel a lot of myths that have surrounded me all my life, that I'm stupid, that I'm useless, that I'm a waste of good skin, etc etc. Maybe these are things I have only thought of myself, borne of years of being told them over and over but now I feel a sense of pride in myself that I haven't really encountered before...
I really f*cking showed them all what I could do didn't I?
Is it wrong to gloat? Pride is a sin after all, but I haven't felt a lot of that in myself in my life. I feel proud I stood up and was counted when it mattered most, I was the one with the balls to get up in front of a church of people I barely know (apart from my close mates) and give a funny, touching and bittersweet eulogy to a man I loved, and at times hated, in equal measure. What happened to that shy little girl I used to be? I guess I grew up to be a fighter, I had to fight to get through what I did and I never once let it beat me, even when the ex nearly snuffed out the tiny flame I had left, I rose up again and didn't let it stop me. All things considered, I turned into a pretty ok human being with good friends around me who see who I am and like me for it, and that is no coincidence... the moment I said to myself "Hey, you're ok you know" I have had more friends come my way than at any other time in my life, the minute I grew comfortable with myself was the moment I started to shine like I should have done all along. If I'd not been beaten down I could have achieved great things, and I may still do, now I feel that the sky could be the limit for ol' Caroline if she tries, even the vicar agrees! (See email pic, ha!) I will at some point publish the contents of said speech so you all can understand the reference to the hammer and polo mints, honest!
I hope if there is such a thing as the afterlife that father is marginally pleased with the results of my writing, I don't have too many things I really shine at but writing can be one of them, sometimes I'm so on point on this blog I scare myself, sometimes the words just come out right and this entry may be one of them. I spent 20 mins up the graveyard hanging with dear pater and the rest of the distant rellies earlier, not by choice I can assure you, it's all rather a bit grim really, but this pic is kinda poignant I suppose.
I really f*cking showed them all what I could do didn't I?
Is it wrong to gloat? Pride is a sin after all, but I haven't felt a lot of that in myself in my life. I feel proud I stood up and was counted when it mattered most, I was the one with the balls to get up in front of a church of people I barely know (apart from my close mates) and give a funny, touching and bittersweet eulogy to a man I loved, and at times hated, in equal measure. What happened to that shy little girl I used to be? I guess I grew up to be a fighter, I had to fight to get through what I did and I never once let it beat me, even when the ex nearly snuffed out the tiny flame I had left, I rose up again and didn't let it stop me. All things considered, I turned into a pretty ok human being with good friends around me who see who I am and like me for it, and that is no coincidence... the moment I said to myself "Hey, you're ok you know" I have had more friends come my way than at any other time in my life, the minute I grew comfortable with myself was the moment I started to shine like I should have done all along. If I'd not been beaten down I could have achieved great things, and I may still do, now I feel that the sky could be the limit for ol' Caroline if she tries, even the vicar agrees! (See email pic, ha!) I will at some point publish the contents of said speech so you all can understand the reference to the hammer and polo mints, honest!
I hope if there is such a thing as the afterlife that father is marginally pleased with the results of my writing, I don't have too many things I really shine at but writing can be one of them, sometimes I'm so on point on this blog I scare myself, sometimes the words just come out right and this entry may be one of them. I spent 20 mins up the graveyard hanging with dear pater and the rest of the distant rellies earlier, not by choice I can assure you, it's all rather a bit grim really, but this pic is kinda poignant I suppose.
Wednesday, August 22, 2018
Not Quite The Ticket
Well, I woke up and threw up, not the best start to the day to be fair, and I feel pretty shite, can hardly keep my eyes open so this'll be fun blogging won't it! I can't work out if it's food poisoning or what 'LS' had Monday as I'm starting to sweat now and just feel like falling asleep, quick smart. The thing that worries me is mate 'S' ended up in A&E with stomach pains last night and I'm a bit dubious about the whole situation, hope nobody else was affected.
Overall I'm doing well I think, seems like the majority of my crying and shock happened straight away so it's kinda gone, if you see what I mean. I'll do ok without him because he taught me life skills like being able to fight my own battles, get the best deals for things and generally how to be as strong as I can and function in life as a grown up without people taking the piss, not sure why mother never picked those lessons up, but then again she didn't have to cope without him in her own house like I have had to, jumped out of the family nest into the pond of life and I swam, sinking wasn't an option.
Been feeling dead weird tonight, so damn tired it's madness, so much so it panicked mother because I was so incoherent and out of it and she drafted the ex in, thanks a bunch! He always helps doesn't he? Ugh! I had a cool shower and now before it starts again I'm going to bed, pronto!
One more story needs to be told first though, from yesterday, a really touching one.... when I buy my tobacco I more often than not get served by the same lady and we normally exchange some general chit chat and when she asked how I was yesterday I said I'd just come from my dad's funeral and she told her workmate to take over, came out from behind the counter and gave me a big hug, how lovely is that? That made my day, a stranger being so thoughtful... a lovely story to end today's blog on at least, no?
Overall I'm doing well I think, seems like the majority of my crying and shock happened straight away so it's kinda gone, if you see what I mean. I'll do ok without him because he taught me life skills like being able to fight my own battles, get the best deals for things and generally how to be as strong as I can and function in life as a grown up without people taking the piss, not sure why mother never picked those lessons up, but then again she didn't have to cope without him in her own house like I have had to, jumped out of the family nest into the pond of life and I swam, sinking wasn't an option.
Been feeling dead weird tonight, so damn tired it's madness, so much so it panicked mother because I was so incoherent and out of it and she drafted the ex in, thanks a bunch! He always helps doesn't he? Ugh! I had a cool shower and now before it starts again I'm going to bed, pronto!
One more story needs to be told first though, from yesterday, a really touching one.... when I buy my tobacco I more often than not get served by the same lady and we normally exchange some general chit chat and when she asked how I was yesterday I said I'd just come from my dad's funeral and she told her workmate to take over, came out from behind the counter and gave me a big hug, how lovely is that? That made my day, a stranger being so thoughtful... a lovely story to end today's blog on at least, no?
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