The Maze

Blimey..... Age Concern woman was shit hot at her job today. She blew me out of the water in terms of knowledge of pension credit and all that and swept through the lot like a tidal wave, more power to her elbow I say! I just loitered a bit and sneaked out for smokes. Mum is going to have to find out I enjoy a puff, gonna have to fess up and face the backlash, it can't be any worse than the shit mess we're in right now, but hopefully for not much longer, Caroline will conquer.

Sorted the house insurance out too whilst I was there, now that that's out the way I can plow on with finding my way through the probate maze, we need legal advice, and pronto. That costs though, and collectively we are a bit skint right now. My next conversation is with the undertaker about how we can't pay them, that's going to be an interesting one, should I sell tickets? Mum just found out she'll have a very small income for 12 weeks so they can go whistle, frankly. I'll do it face to face I think, more wriggle room for bargaining I reckon, we'll see.

I'm doing ok in general, no tears or thoughts of tears, maybe I'm in denial again, I love that place after all, but no..... no feelings of gloom as such, just ticking along. Mum REALLY doesn't want me to speak at the funeral, no idea why, too bad really, told the vicar I will now so no backing down, if it takes me 3 soddin' hours I'll get it out!! Someone in this family needs a pair of balls, and oh yes, looky here.... it's Caroline again, and I'm the youngest I reckon. Jeeeeeesus, probably nobody else will say anything because there wasn't much good to say in the last few years, oh lordy no. But we'll see I suppose.

Mother actually acknowledged my efforts in front of Age Concern woman today, but only because she was there and she praised my efforts for sorting things out for mum, "I don't know how I'd have managed without Caroline" And no, nor does Caroline know how you'd have managed, feck all would have been done! That's all I wanted, a thank you, show you give a crap for my efforts, it's not much to ask, is it? You can keep the money, not interested at all, just a thank you.